I have been sticking close to home the past few days because my little dog Jewel was put down yesterday, February 12, 2010, at noon. For anyone who is a pet owner they'll understand how hard it is to make the decision for your pet to end their life. When my dad was so ill with cancer he said he was ready to die but a pet can't articulate their wishes in quite such a clear manner. You have to rely on body language and intuition a lot and even then you're sometimes left wondering, "Were they really ready to leave?"

The night before we took Jewel's to see the vet one last time, I cuddled with her on my bed. I told her how much she was loved and that I'd always have a special place in my heart just for her. I thanked her for her gift of unconditional love when I wasn't alsways deserving of it. She looked at me with her cataract clouded eyes and I know she understood what I was saying or at least the emotions behind my words.

It's very difficult to say goodbye to those we love whether they're human or animal. I've found myself reaching down to pat her on the head a dozen times today and my heart just breaks when I realize that she's gone and I won't have her 'shadowing' me from room to room anymore. I am allowing myself a few days to honour her memory with occassional tears while I feel sorry for myself and for what I have lost. Then, I am going to choose to smile as I remember all the wonderful times we've spent together over the years and how much she enriched my life by sharing hers with me. I believe she'll be one of the first 'people' who will greet me when it's my turn to leave this world and I look forward to our cuddle time once more...