Planning for surgery and an emotional conversation
Yesterday was a memorable day in many ways. It started out slow but kicked into gear when I heard from the surgeon’s office about the appointment for the port insertion.
I had asked that the office be informed that I am away on holiday from Oct 5th to 7th. This is the annual reunion with former team mates from the dragon boat. This year we are going to the Spirit Ridge lodge and Spa in Osoyoos. I know I am likely to be on some form of Chemo for the rest of my life so I am determined to enjoy the next couple of weeks before it starts. The reunion has been planned for months. The secretary informed me that the appointment had been made for the port insertion on October 6th. I told her I was away and could not have it done that day. She seemed a bit taken aback that I was not about to cancel my holiday and told me the next available date was October 27th. I said that would be fine and I would just have to have the first chemo by IV in my arm.

At 3.30pm I picked up my precious granddaughter to take her for her swimming lesson. On the way to the car she said “Nana, how sick are you? Mommy says you have cancer again and you have to have some medicine that will make your hair fall out and you might die”.
I knew I had to honest with her so replied, “I do have cancer again and there is a chance I might die but I am having the medicine to try to get rid of the cancer and we have to believe it will work. I then told her I was going to get some sassy wigs and she laughed. I told her I was not feeling sick now and we have to enjoy today and choose to smile not waste time worrying about what might happen. She seemed to grasp this concept very well for a nine year old. We talked a bit about the book and choosing to smile and she said to me “Nana you should sing that song from Mama Mia to help you “I asked which one and she said the one Sophie sings at the beginning and the end of the movie” She meant “I believe in angels.  I have a dream, a fantasy, to help me cope with anything, I believe in angels ……
I had told her when we were watching the movie together that this song was my favorite and that I had always played it when I needed help with anything. She had remembered.
 After swimming I went to a meeting with an incredible woman who is going to help us with our book design and the day ended with a dip in the hot tub with Graham. We talked about everything and then went to bed and cuddled.